


arms unfolding

by TessaTheDreamer



Category: I Was Born for This - Alice Oseman, Osemanverse
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Jealousy, M/M, Mentions of Stabbing, Mutual Pining, Post-Canon, Slow Burn, flashbacks to the events of IWBFT and all those triggers, slowest burn i can write, sober Lister, will sort of cross over into Radio Silence territory for a bit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-07-04
Packaged: 2020-06-07 18:55:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19475275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TessaTheDreamer/pseuds/TessaTheDreamer
Summary: The Ark is about to come back from its hiatus.Jimmy Kaga-Ricci isn't sure he's ready. He's still plagued by the events in Kent. And there's feelings he doesn't understand.Lister Bird, on the other hand, is quite ready to go back to work, hoping to heal wounds both physical and non-physical.





	arms unfolding

**Author's Note:**

> Part 1
> 
> "hope i'm not tired of rebuilding  
> 'cause this might take a little more  
> i think i'd like to try  
> look at you  
> and feel the way i did before"  
> \- arms unfolding, dodie

Lister getting stabbed was one of the worst, most anxiety-inducing moments of my unfortunate, anxious life. Although, every unfortunate event has its positives too. This time, the positive was a break from the fast-paced life of a musician. 

When Lister was awake, laying in his hospital bed, Rowan and I sat next to him and discussed what we wanted The Ark’s future to be. Most of the time. It was a nice change from when Lister was asleep. I sat by his bedside until I couldn’t keep my eyes open to make sure he was still breathing. 

Lister said I was ridiculous for doing that and that I should enjoy my time off. I couldn’t enjoy it when the worry that something could go wrong at any moment plagued my every waking moment. Which there were a lot of. I barely slept too. When I closed my eyes I remembered that day.

When Lister finally got out of the hospital, he was assigned bed rest for a month, while Rowan and I were told to take a breather. All three of us started our therapy sessions too. I was planning to spent the break with Rowan and Lister, watching  _ Brooklyn Nine-Nine _ and eating pizza. Until the two of them convinced me that they’d be fine without me and that I should spend the break with Grandad. So I did. I continued to have my therapy sessions through Skype.

I tried to go for a walk in the woods one day, but ended up having flashbacks of that day and setting off a panic attack. Grandad found me lying in the dirt near the river. After that, I spent most of the time indoors, talking to Grandad or playing on the instruments in the basement.

I found myself going through Angel’s Twitter profile and messaging her when she started uni.

**Jimmy Kaga-Ricci @jimmykagaricci**

hey. hope you’re doing alright. good luck in uni! 

**Angel @jimmysangels**

Hey, thanks :) I hope you’re doing well yourself

As the Ark hiatus drew to a close, I bid Grandad goodbye and promised I’d visit more often. I set off back to London. Back to Rowan and Lister and Cecily. Back to “normal” life. Whatever that meant.

*******

“Jim-jam!” Rowan hugs me as I enter our apartment. 

He looks put together, unlike myself. His clothes are ironed and he smells of cologne. Lister is standing behind him, holding himself up on crutches. His hair is disheveled and he’s wearing a blue silk robe over his clothes. His face is contorted, a bright smile trying to cover the pain.

“How’s Pierro?” Lister asks.

“Doing great, as always.” I smile and go up to him to guide him to the nearest sofa. He sits down as if he’s been standing for days. Rowan and I sit opposite him.

“Was it fun without us, Jimmy? Or did you miss us too much to do anything fun?” Lister laughs, though we can both see it’s still causing him pain.

“Missed you? I was relieved to finally be away from you,” I laugh. 

Rowan pats me on the back. “Well, we missed you, didn’t we, Lister?”

Lister just smiles at me, his usual flashing smile. A Lister smile.

“I missed both of you too, idiots,” I say.

Lister opens his mouth to speak, but is interrupted by a knock on the door. I glance at Rowan, as if trying to say  _ I’m not opening it, it might be a murderer _ . He sighs and darts to the door.

“Boys, it’s Cecily!” Rowan shouts from the hallway.

The two of them appear in the living room. Rowan sits back down next to me, while Cecily takes the sofa a bit further away.

“Let’s get down to business,” she says, taking out her phone. 

I see her opening the notes app. 

“First order of business,” she looks up at the three of us, “how are you all feeling?”

I see her eyes linger on me and Lister.

“We’re fine, I think,” Lister says, looking at Rowan and me for confirmation. 

I nod.

“We’re rejuvenated and ready to take over the world,” Rowan smiles.

“I hope so. There are eighteen different station, who want to interview you at this very moment. Many of them are willing to pay a fair amount to get to you first.”

I roll my eyes. Back to where we started. The idiotic interviewers and the stupid, invasive questions. Then the fans analysing our every word. I know I chose to go back, but I wish we didn’t have to do this right now.

“You okay there, Jimmy?” Lister asks, a gentleness in his voice that I haven’t heard before, “You look like you want to kill... someone.”

“I- I just-” I try to find my words, “I don’t really want to go back to doing interviews. I know, I know! It’s part of the job, but I don’t think I’m ready to talk about what happened yet. Nor would I know what to talk about if they asked about our plans for the future…”

“Jimmy’s right. We should have a clear plan for the future before we jump back into the frying pan,” Rowan says.

“But if we wait any longer, they might lose interest,” Lister says, “Half of the fans will up and leave, while the press will declare us a “dead” band.” He makes quotation marks with his fingers.

“I’m not saying, wait another month. I just mean…” I hesitate. Will I ever be ready to talk about what happened? “A couple more days. In the meantime we can talk about other Ark matters.”

“We can do that, babe,” Cecily says, “If you all agree with Jimmy, I can set up a couple of interviews for the end of the week.”

Rowan and Lister nod. 

We continue to talk about The Ark, our next album, a new contract, a possible tour in America… My mind drifts off. That day flashes in my mind again. I remember the way I felt. So overwhelmed. So anxious. So free when I left through that window. I remember Lister lying in the mud by the river, my knife in his side. I remember the fear and the hatred for myself and the absolute panic. I was sure Lister was going to die. I was sure  _ I _ was gonna die.

I’m better now, though. Not perfect, but better. It’s only been a month, but it’s been a long one. Therapy and rest have helped me immensely. But the thought of bringing all that back up again… it’s not fun. 

I know it’s what the other two guys want. Rowan and Lister. They think that if we talk about this, then we can start to tear off the facade we have put up. They believe we can be more honest with the world. I’m not so sure.

“Jimmy?” Lister’s voice snaps me out of the trance. 

All three are staring at me.

“What?” I say.

“Are you sure you’re alright, babe?” Cecily asks.

“Yeah, yeah, of course,” I nod, brushing back my hair. 

Rowan and Cecily continue their conversation, but Lister keeps looking at me, as if trying to read my mind.

_ You sure? _ He mouths.

I nod. Nodding has lost its meaning.


End file.
